


the sun, the sun

by KitiKat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Heavy Angst, Spoilers, spoilers galore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 10:04:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14446932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitiKat/pseuds/KitiKat
Summary: ***MAJOR INFINITY WAR SPOILERS***It's all said and done.





	the sun, the sun

**Author's Note:**

> Right, I accidentally thought about Infinity War for more than two seconds and found myself in a late-night crying sesh. I had to do something about it so there you have it: my 1000-something word love letter to everyone's favourite dysfunctional mess of a god of mischief.

Thanos finds him. He always does. But this time around, he is not alone.

It was a shame, Loki thinks. He’d really thought they were onto something here. For the first time in a very long string of events, the burden on his shoulders seemed to have eased. He had even started hoping for a future, making plans and _anticipating_.

Oh well, no more.

He is most frustrated about the Asgardians. All the plans they made, that battle against Hela, an escape so daring, so destructive, and death follows them into the outer corners of space. For Thanos and his Order, this is something of a pest control, easy work. Thinking about the families torn, children orphaned and babies reaped from their mothers, he can feel something welling up in his chest. It is a feeling unexamined, so vague, and he does not know what it is until he sees Thor’s face.

Ah, of course. It’s the looming _loss_ hanging in the air. He’ll lose his life, surely, but he does not want to imagine what all this will cost Thor, is the thing. Death is not so foreign a concept for him, neither is loneliness, but he is not ready this time around. He knows Thor isn’t either. They lost so much in so little time. They are all each other have left. No ball rooms, no fancy thrones, no king’s court this time around. Thor and Loki, against the rest of the world.

 _I don’t want to go_ , he realizes with an urgency and panic he hasn’t felt in long. For the first time in a very long time, the idea of leaving Thor behind and going away on his own, being the loose cannon, does not seem like the best course of action to take. It is a daunting task to finish, a terribly final one, and he knows with a certainty that he is going to die. Thanos made him that promise a long time ago. Better get this over with, then.

It’s all a ruse, the hesitation, choosing the Tesseract over Thor, it’s his way of creating himself a breathing space. _Think_. He has to play his cards wisely. Death is not ready for Thor yet, and Loki is not ready to drag him along. He wishes he was. He almost forgot what loneliness was like, and the idea of going, this time for certain, is not the most appealing choice at hand.

He has to make do with what he has, now. Thor is needed in the realm of the living. He knows that without his help, there is little hope of stopping this madman out for blood. Very well. He has to find a way to be the only remarkable casualty in this slaughter of the innocent. Hulk would create a good distraction.

Upon unleashing the Hulk on Thanos, Loki’s first instinct is to dive for Thor and push him aside. He knows that Thor does not need pushing aside, but he needs this final moment of contact to remind himself that _all is well, everything is meant to play like this, your fate was sealed years ago when you accepted that sceptre, not long to go now_.

Thor is still steady right next to him, beaten ceaselessly with the aid of an Infinity Stone, and he’s still ready for a confrontation. He sees his brother for the noble, mythical being that he is for the first time. _Thor of Asgard. Powerful Soul. The Golden Prince_. He really is magically beautiful. Loki wishes he had more time to appreciate him and let him know how proud he was of him. He feels small. He wishes this was one of their fights from a millennium ago, where he could just call for Thor, and he would mercilessly beat anything that lay between Loki and safety.

Not this time. This time things will play out differently, it will probably hurt Thor, but it will hurt Loki a great deal more, and he can feel himself slipping back into panic so he does what he has to do. The less time to think, the better.

He pledges allegiance to Thanos. He goes on about who he is and how he can be of service. He calls himself an _Odinson_. The word does not feel bad in his mouth this time, it feels like he is uttering something so undoubtedly true, not a betrayal of himself or anything he has held dear. Odin is the man who brought him to Thor, he is the one who gave him a family, and Loki just notices how much he missed his mother. Not long to go now. Valhalla is waiting.

He makes sure Thor sees the dagger behind him. He sees his eyes widen, panic bubble up, and he feels a sliver of doubt. Should he try to run away from Thanos one more time? Maybe things will work out differently. If he prepares himself and anticipates Thanos’ arrival next time, he can survive. _No_. The promises Thanos made were explicit. Loki knows that his death will come from Thanos’ hands, and he’s been living on borrowed time for a while now. Happiness does look so close, so achievable, but knowing he can die at any moment, spared only because of a twisted sense of mercy Thanos holds, that is no way of living. He cannot do this to himself.

He cannot do this to Thor.

If he is going to die because of Thanos, Loki will make sure he still goes on his own terms. He lifts the dagger. Thanos, of course, sees it coming. Or maybe he doesn’t need to. He has two Infinity Stones now. Loki’s arm is suspended in the air. Thanos holds him around the neck, and he’s got so much power, and Loki’s so small, and so is Thor, etched forever into Loki’s mind as the palace’s sweetheart who is still afraid of the dark, who creates little sparkles in his fingers and tells his little brother the funniest, most outrageous stories with the knowledge and matter-of-factliness of an older brother, and Loki made a mistake, Thor cannot do this on his own.

He does not have any other choice now, does he?

He feels life leave his body and feels the need to tell Thanos something, something because although he’ll be dead in a few short moments, he wants the knowledge that he held out his own. He tells Thanos he’ll never be a God. He wishes he could have taken one last look at Thor. He will miss him so dearly, and he is not afraid to tell himself the truth now. He knows Thor will come after his lifeless body, he’d rather Thor didn’t, he has distressed him enough already without the added tragedy of his permanent death, but there’s not much he can do now. He really does wish they had more time. What beautiful lives they would have led, fighting side by side. Thor and Loki against the rest of the world.

One day, the sun will shine on us again, he says to Thor.

Thor doesn’t understand. He will, Loki knows. He will have a lot on his plate in the near future, but he will understand. Months, years, maybe aeons will pass, and Thor will find his way back. Loki will be waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> I was never flung into a depression so deep because of one (1) movie only so I applaud the Russo brothers for their emotional, gut-wrenching story that raised the stakes SKY HIGH. Or there are no stakes left because the good guys lost. Okay, talking about this makes me feel worse so if you'd like to cry over our faves together, hit me up at mjolnirwasthecoolest on tumblr!


End file.
